Guilt By Association...

I feel guilty... almost, like I was cheating on a friend. I should have checked in Friday night or, certainly, some time on Saturday: Maybe, even this morning. But, I definitely feel like I should have checked in...

What does that feel like? Well, it kind of feels like 'playing hookie.' (Does anyone still call it that? Has that expression been lost somehow, like so many of the other expressions I grew up with: A victim of "generational context?"). Whatever it is: it feels like you really should be somewhere else, doing something else... that you're not!

Now, the entire weekend has gotten away from me and I feel as if I've been untrue somehow. Trying to rationalize it all, I know I shouldn't feel this way. After all, it's not like I spent the weekend in bed or sprawled out on the couch. I didn't! I swear it!

In fact, I didn't even get to watch the whole Super Bowl: just the first Quarter - which I watched while visiting my Mother; and, then the last two Quarters and the end of the game, at home. I was driving home while the Second Quarter - Perhaps, the best Quarter, if you are a Saints fan - was being played.

To some degree, at least: that's the heart of the problem! I'm always running somewhere to do something: something, it seems, I absolutely must do - and, generally, for someone else and not me!

Do I have to tell you how frustrating that can be? I didn't think so! Especially, when you start off exhausted most Friday nights. That exhaustion is almost always the result of a fifty-five or sixty hour work week: and, that's just the hours spent at work Monday through Friday. It doesn't count all the 'stuff' you have to... Or, at least, I have to do on the weekends in order to stay current. I think that's what makes it so hard. You come home completely "torched" Friday after work and then you find yourself desperately trying to cram five quarts of everything into a one gallon container for the rest of the weekend.

The cold hard truth is; it won't fit... At least, not without making a mess!

So, it was off to the shop Saturday morning for at least a couple of 'quiet' hours: productive hours. Home for some errands... Swimming at the "Y" for me!

Did I mention that I started swimming. I wanted to say: Did I mention that I started swimming again, but the fact of the matter is... what I was doing before wasn't really swimming. It was more like not drowning than it was like swimming! Now, I'm actually trying to teach myself how to move through the water as effectively (and, gracefully) as I can while expending as little energy as possible. That means learning how to breathe as well as the other, more technical elements of swimming like proper kicking, arm movements, body position, et al. And, Saturday was the best time in the water I've had so far!

I didn't get as tired as fast as I have in the past. I was able to keep my heart from exploding. I did more laps with more different strokes - I wonder if that's where the expression came from? And, I wasn't as sore this morning. Consequently, I'll be there again tomorrow morning before the sun gets up!

After the pool, it was off to volunteer at an event where my wife works. And, then, out with some of the other volunteers afterward.

I know there was other stuff... But, to tell you the truth, there was so much of it I can't remember what it was!

Today was more of the same. Only we managed to visit my mother some fifteen or twenty miles away, ran some more errands, got some more work done, watched a little football, and did some more work.

Now, I'm finally checking in again.

Outside of going to the "Y," I can honestly say that nothing I did was for me. At least, not in the sense that it was only for me. In fact, just about everything I did was done for some other person or organization.

I'd like to make the argument that it shouldn't be that way, but I can't. Although, I'm not sure how much rest I really allowed myself, everything I did felt 'right' somehow. Everything I did, albeit, for someone or something else - needed to be done. So, I guess it's a good kind of exhaustion: the kind that helps heal the world... And, that really does make it OK. At least, it does for me.

And, if I am guilty of trying to do too much, it's a kind of guilt by association, I suppose. Guilty of doing too much of the right kind of things, things that really do need to get done... And, guilty of associating with the right kind of people, the kind of people who do the right kinds of things because they are the right things to do.

Now, it's off to bed... and, finally, some rest!

Tiger Balmy...

Well, if you've been following this series of posts you know I've been struggling with my swimming and a reinforced, reinvigorated commitment to 'wellness'... not necessarily in that order. Despite the desire to do more or better, I've been dealing with a body that seems more interested in going home or to bed than in going to the next level.

I haven't let that or the aches and pains slow me down or stop me... At least, not yet. Instead, I dragged myself out of bed in what felt like the middle of the night to be in the water and ready to swim at 6:00 A.M. If the number of headlights and tail lights on the road at that hour are any indication of the number of people up and about, I can tell you with absolute certainty there aren't many people up and about at that hour!

Nevertheless, I was... And, I was in the water warming up before Jessica - the Master Class coach - arrived on the scene.

Again, that sounds easier than it was. As certain as I am that there were few others up and about, at or before 6:00 A.M., who were not coming home or heading to a workplace somewhere: I am equally as certain, the one place in the world your body does NOT want to be is submerged! I am also pretty sure the reason fish don't hate swimming as much as I do is because they don't have shoulders or elbows, hips or knees! Shoulders, hips, knees and elbows can and often do get sore...

Does anyone out there actually know if fish can get sore? It would be reassuring as hell to know!

I did six or eight laps of various different strokes before Jessica realized there was someone in the water she didn't know and a lot more after she did. I learned a lot for a first class. I learned that I have a 'natural' breast stroke (It was news to me too...). I learned that you can - with an emphasis on 'you' so far - swim while practicing "bi-lateral" breathing: you can alternate breathes from one side of your body to the other, which actually seemed to work better for me than breathing only on one side. I also learned you don't have to breathe once every three or four strokes: but, that you still have to breathe! I learned that I have no endurance, at least not yet. Which was disappointing. And, that I still get winded much too easily... Even more disappointing.

Did mention that I've only been in the water eight or ten times and that I'm terribly impatient; or, have you already figured that out.

The good news was finishing more laps and more different strokes than I have ever - emphasis on: ever - completed in my life and I didn't drown, as evidenced by my typing this message some twelve hours later!

I should be back in the water Wednesday morning... Maybe, even tomorrow morning depending upon when I get done tonight and how my right elbow and shoulder are feeling. If I don't go to the "Y" to swim tomorrow morning I'll probably return to Krav (Krav Maga) tomorrow night. My thinking is, as long as my shoulder and elbow hurt anyway; why not.

Oh... And, if you read the last post: applying Tiger Balm before you get into bed at night is something you really shouldn't do unless you're sleeping alone. If you aren't sleeping alone, it isn't something you ought to do without first asking your significant other if that would be OK. If you don't heed my advice, it is almost certain you will be back in the water again, a lot sooner than you thought you would... Not at the "Y" and in the pool, but back in your bathroom and in the shower!

If you're lucky, any remnant of the "Eau de Tiger Balm" will find its way down the drain. And, you may find your way off the couch!

Everyone Back In The Pool

I went back to the pool again late Saturday afternoon. It was wonderful!

Well, almost wonderful... I went to swim, and the pool was wonderful. In fact, with the exception of a few little ones and their respective parents, I had an Olympic-size pool just about all to myself.

The part that wasn't so wonderful was the 'getting older' part of working out. It's that; "Eighteen-Year-Old Brain: Sixty-Three Year-Old Body" stuff again.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I haven't been to the gym in a while and when I was going I wasn't swimming.

How long is "a while?" Let's just leave it at "a while," and move on. You can fill in the blank if necessary. However long it's been, it's been too long and now I'm doing something I've never done before and my body is crying, "Foul!" as a result.

So, tomorrow morning I'll be at the "Y" before it opens to take a class. What kind of a class? A swimming class so I can move from something that must look almost like drowning, to something that looks almost like swimming. I've decided I have to become more comfortable in the water... which is hard to do when the water is one of those places you are the most uncomfortable. I'm going because Saturday's sojourn at the pool was a definite improvement over my previous attempts at drowning. And, it was an improvement because I stopped trying to muscle my way through the swimming and slowed everything down to a "crawl," if you'll pardon the pun.

I focused on the obvious skills: floating, breathing, relaxing in a foreign environment and just moving through the water. Instead of trying to cover as much distance as quickly as I could, I keep things under control and focused on 'smooth' instead: no thrashing, no splashing, no gasping and no trying to breathe water! And, to tell you the truth, it actually worked... a little. I didn't run out of air as often. I didn't get as tired. My heart didn't try to explode out of my chest, and as a result I felt a hell of a lot better when it was time to get out of the pool.

Why swimming, if it's so uncomfortable; so unnatural?

Because...

Because it is uncomfortable and unnatural; at least it is to me. I'm doing it because I don't want to do it. And, because I know the results will be more than worth the effort if I prevail. If I can manage to stay with it, my endurance and stamina will increase as well as my overall fitness. I know this to be true because I can see the difference it's made in my son's Tri training and the training he is doing for the Iron Man he's enrolled to participate in.

All I have to do is work my way through the injuries, the pain and the discomfort. That takes a lot of positive self-talk and the encouragement of friends and family: and, a healthy sense of humor. I'm working on the self-talk and my son is both a great example and a wonderful cheerleader. The sense of humor part seems to be taking care of itself and we'll have to wait and see how or if the rest of the family signs on.

In the meantime, I've got to get ready for tomorrow morning and that means a hot shower, ice on my elbow and shoulder, followed by a little Tiger Balm on both.

I'm not exactly sure how the Tiger Balm rub down is going to go, however. It may turn out to be part of the sense of humor and the being able to laugh at yourself you really need to get through something like this, especially after a long absence.

I was applying some Tiger Balm in the locker room after my shower and before I got dressed on Saturday when one of those 'little ones' I referred to a minute ago, turned in my direction and said, "Yuch! What is that, and why does it smell so bad? That stuff is really strong! "

I told him it was Tiger Balm... And, that I was using it because I was sore.

Do you know what happened next? He looked at his Dad, and then at me, and said, "Mister, I been to the Zoo and I seen the Tigers... And, know what! None of 'em smelled anything like that!"

I'm going to shut down, take a shower and apply some Tiger Balm to my elbow and shoulder before I go to bed... and, and wait to hear what my wife has to say about the stuff. I'm not sure, but I'll bet it won't be as funny!

Drowning In Your Sorrows...

If you ever want to know just how out of shape you are just head for the pool. I don't mean one of those rinky-dink pools in a backyard somewhere. I'm talking about a serious pool. One of those fifteen or twenty-five-yarders! Then, dement yourself into believing you can actually do laps: as in more than one.

If you really want to torment yourself, meet one of your clients there... someone you've known for decades, someone who can swim laps until you get tired of watching, and then get in the water with him! Oh, and then break your glasses just to add insult to injury.

That's what I did this morning and despite the fact that I am sore: my body, and bruised: my ego, I'll probably do it again tomorrow morning because I'm certain there can be only one of two possible outcomes. Either I will drown and have nothing to worry about. Or, I will eventually build up enough stamina (and, wind) to get better. Now, before I go any further, I don't have any illusions about what 'better' means. To me, it means just a hair better than today. No unrealistic expectations here, just a profound respect for my son who managed to swim intervals for twenty-five hundred yards the other day.

I'll do it because I really liked the way I felt after I got out of the pool. Particularly, the fact that no one had to pull me off the bottom. Although, my body was sore and my lungs were burning - I felt pretty good: good because the endorphins were lying to my central nervous system and good because I actually dragged myself out of bed at 0:Dark:30 in the morning and was at the "Y" at 5:50 A.M., ten minutes before they opened. Now, all I've got to do is create a string of mornings like this.

My attitude is simple... If the kid can do it: I can do it. And, if it isn't this it will be something else. In fact, I think I'll go home and change and head for Krav tonight just to see if I can survive that... again!