Re-dedication, But To What...

I just got moving and I'm already tired...

Not from anything I've done; the most exhausting thing I've done this morning is eat some oatmeal, fire up the computer... and, then read my son's blog (theironmadman.blogspot.com). Just following his regimen on the blog as a voyeur is enough to wipe anyone out.

Although we talk about it a lot, I'm still not sure how he's doing it. I just know he is, and I am in awe... And, a little embarrassed. I haven't worked out in months: a combination of the demands of owning your own business, industry responsibilities associated with the writing I do and the normal kinds of family "stuff" most of us have had to deal with from time to time.

It's easy not to do something. The universe and all the laws of physics are calling at you to remain at rest and depending upon how creative you are, excuses abound almost everywhere! Ask me, I'm an expert (When I want or need to be!).

Not working out and then getting angry, frustrated, upset, guilt-ridden or agitated about it is at the very least counter-productive. It accomplishes nothing. In fact, all it really does is drive you deeper  the  kind of unpleasant blue funk most of us are all too familiar with. Nevertheless, it's something I think most of us have been guilty of at some point in our lives. Right now, I keep trying to figure out why I'm not more motivated than I am.

It's not like I hate working out. Depending upon the nature of the working out, I'm one of those people who actually enjoys it.

Don't get me wrong, I hate getting up early and going to the gym! I don't generally turn in until my wife has had a chance to to spend a little time with Fritz Coleman, the late night, Channel 4 weather-guy, in Los Angeles. So, five-thirty comes along 'mighty quick.' And, working out after work - which feels too much like working out too often, is even more difficult. But, once I'm there doing whatever it is I'm doing for me, I really enjoy it. That's why it bothers me  that I'm having so much trouble making it happen. The only thing I can think of is the absence of community.

I know, right about now you're going, "What? What the hell is he talking about?" But, think about it for a minute. Don't you find that most of the things you really enjoy doing, especially those things that involve significant effort: physical, mental or emotional, involve a core group of people you really enjoy being with? A community of sorts... Don't you feel a sense of responsibility to these other folks that helps drive you? And, don't a lot of them seem to feel the same way about you?

Every time I've been involved in something where there has been this sense of community: someone to call just to make sure everything was OK when you didn't show up that morning, someone to push you farther than you knew you were capable of going, someone to convince you that you could do something (like my son's ironman preparation) everyone else was sure was impossible, you made the commitment and got it done.

I had that level of commitment... and, community, all the years I made it to the gym before five-thirty in the morning and started my day pushing more weight around than I ever thought I could. I had it at every martial arts studio I've ever attended, when the people and the program were "right." And, I guess I am desperately searching for it right now. Which, I'm sorry to say, demands that I stop writing, get dressed and get moving. Because, the one thing I am sure of is that I'm not going to find what I'm looking for here!